I am sharing my story with the hope that it will be a help to other women who struggle with uncontrollable depression or anxiety.
It all started my junior year of college. I was sitting in a wonderful Bible class on Hebrews (that I loved!), when it hit me...sheer terror. I started sweating, feeling trapped, etc. but I stuck it out through class. When I went to work after class, I was shaking. I ate a protein bar and chalked it up to a bad episode of hypoglycemia (I've had low blood sugar since second grade)...and tried to forget it.
But then it kept happening. I would get scared in church services, class, on stage, in the car, and among groups of people. These random moments of panic kept making themselves known. I started avoiding many things to keep this anxiety from happening. Now, as a music performance major, this was very difficult because I had to perform all the time. I had loved singing and performing and now I began to dread it. I started to think it was spiritual warfare. I prayed and cried and trusted in the Lord. It was truly by God's grace that I made it through my senior voice recital and graduated, although I prayed and shed many tears in that last year and half.
My sweet husband married me anyway, even though he knew that sometimes I got a little wacko. He has been so steady and supportive. He helped me eliminate stress in my life that made living life easier.
Fast forward about five years, I had been living with chronic anxiety and had learned to cope. Jesus gave me strength so often when I had none. Someone told me it was my thyroid...had it checked...nope. Someone told me I say "yes" to too many things...started saying "no"...didn't help. Someone said I needed more sleep...slept 8-9 hours every night...didn't work. I remember putting on my prayer list, "To be healthy again." I spent many years praying for God to give me an answer. His mercies were new every morning and I had resigned myself to just living this way for the rest of my life.
Then I had a baby boy...a sweet one that I love so much. And I made it through postpartum (whew, that was crazy!). Six months later, I still had anxiety issues...and they were getting worse. I mentioned to my midwife that I was having anxiety, and after asking me a few questions, she said, "I think you have a hormone imbalance...probably low progesterone." Y'all, this hit me like a ton of bricks! Hormonal imbalance actually runs in my family and we never thought of this! I was so excited to maybe get an answer!
My midwife had me do saliva testing to find out my hormone levels. And guess what, my hormones were completely out-of-whack! She put me on a good multi-vitamin and some progesterone cream. After three months, I was a new woman! I could not believe the healing I had received.
After five years of praying for God to set me free from this bondage of anxiety, He sent someone to give me an answer. I am so thankful for His goodness in my life. My life has changed. Now, that doesn't mean I don't still have fear, worry, and struggles, but my chronic anxiety is no longer out of control and I have found peace.
Having a child causes us to stop and marvel. Every new thing he learns to do or say is a reminder of a Magnificent Creator Who designed Ronan (and every child) to be unique and made in His image.
Ronan is now 18 months old. He...
Chasing around a toddler and trying to get a picture is challenging. I didn't get many smiley shots, but you can see Ronan's thoughtful and focused expression that he often gets when outside.